Tuesday, January 04, 2011

....:: Love, Your Daughter::..

One emotion. Heart-wrenching.

Today, after three years of strict diet, after struggling to search the best food, the best alkaline food, organic yet anything that suits to prevent the spread of his cancer, marking this date..witnessed by the so-called doctor in HKL, ayah wants to call it a quit.

I was taken aback. Ayah had an appointment for his neuro this morning. I accompanied him inside and at the same time asked the doctor about his OCD. He was yet to diagnose medically as an OCD patient, but looking at his symptom, he needs to be treated. His anxiety, him being calculative, too particular on cleanliness, feeling too scared to walk alone or being left alone at home and the list goes on. The doctor was shocked when I told him that ayah needs to be feed for each of his meal including fruits. Pernah juga sampai pil ubat pun kena suap ke mulut dia. The doc tested his strength and he said that ayah is strong enough to do it on his own. Siap kata, "Kesian isteri pakcik..". And when ayah said that he always felt giddy whenever he stands up, the doctor trus kata, "sebab banyak duduk pakcik... tu yang pening".

True enough. Ayah is a manja type. His anxiety makes him feel sick. I know its a psychology thing. He make himself sick. *sigh. His daily activity is just resting aka sleeping the whole day. Alhamdulillah the doctor referred him to Muar Hospital for his OCD symptom.

Ahah! About the food thingy, Ayah... on his way out from the doc's office, dia boleh return to the doc's table (with my help la kan via wheelchair), and told the doctor whether he should be on that kind of strict diet. And the doctor gave the answer that I know, ayah wanted to hear. "Enjoy your life, pakcik. Eat whatever you want. Selagi doktor tak suruh jaga makan". Heh.

My feeling? Ntah la. I dont know what is in his mind. Yeah. Maybe all this while, although its a really "healthy food", deep down, he suffered. Although in my heart I refuse to let him quits eating healthy food but I guess I cant bare having the thoughts of regretting for not giving him what he wants.

Parents wants the best for their children. Well its vice versa. Of course I want the best for my parents, the best food, the best hospital, the best supplements and everything under the sun that can make them feel comfortable spending their golden age. But I am just a puny human being, no magic at all to make everything perfect as per my wish. Allah knows better. I believe and have faith on that.

With that ayah, you may eat anything you want ayah.... no restrictions at all. No more organic, no more anti-msg. Outside food, fast food....international food... anything ayah, its all up to you. Please..help yourself. As long as you are happy and you have more strength to perform your ibadah to Him.

Me..fidgetting and praying that Allah blessed him with a better health. Amin.

by dodah at 5:48:00 PM |